This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
