Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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