____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
