i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize