Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
