My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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