I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
