I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
