I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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