I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
