Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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