I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
