You smell like stripper and shame
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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