I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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