i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
