You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
