she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
