Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
