He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
