Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
