i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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