Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
as a side note pls kill me
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