i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
