Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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