I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
