I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bring money and cleavage
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
