Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
