sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
