Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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