please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
honey bunches of taint.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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