i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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