Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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