Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
