Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
