As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
