Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
