I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
