I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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