Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
