It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
