im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
