just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
