Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
