I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
