Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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