Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
