i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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