I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize