just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
