the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
