i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
