Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
