You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
