Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
