Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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