he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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