Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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