i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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