Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As shirtless as possible
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
