I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize