watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
