My liver just broke up with me...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
