the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
