u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
