Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
