Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
