Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
