nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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