Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
