is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize