i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
