hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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