@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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